Anti-Chope Movement: Replace HDB Balloting with Battle Royale.

Yishun3.jpg
Battle royale system for HDB Flats.

SINGAPORE 10 June 2019: The Anti-Chope Movement sets its sights on the HDB balloting system, citing it as a ‘pet-peeve’, and demands that it be replaced by a winner-takes-all battle royale system instead.

“It’s 2019. Flats at HDBs, BTOs, and SBOs are meant to be PUBLIC HOUSING, PUBLIC [repeated for emphasis], it is a first-come-first-get-a-house (physically-claimed) basis, said the Anti-Chope Movement. That is why you pay an economical price living in places like that as opposed to living in a condominium.

“To ‘reserve a unit in a HDB balloting system’ is not a life hack,” said the Anti-Chope Movement. “In my opinion, it is an ungracious act carried out by individuals who are conforming to what everyone else is doing and taking to this advantage ‘Singaporean-tradition’ of reserving a seat for selfish reasons.” 

“Instead of a token to represent your claim, we should fight to the death to claim the HDB unit. Remember, it’s public, so it’s free-for-all, it is a first-come-first-serve type thing,” said the Anti-Chope Movement.

HDB-Key-Collection
Photo of HDB ballot queue number. Photo: Joanne Khoo

The Anti-Chope Movement has previously campaigned against reserving hawker centre seats with ‘chope’ items because it is a ‘pet-peeve.’

The Anti-Chope Movement did not elaborate on why reserving a table with a token item to show that someone else has arrived at the seat first and thus has reserved the seat is more ‘selfish’ than leaving a seat-warmer peer like a hawker centre scarecrow instead.

To argue its case, the Anti-Chope Movement posted this scenario on its Facebook page: “It’s lunchtime, it’s the peak lunch hour at the food court, hordes of hungry humans and you’re carrying your tray of hot food… you see an empty seat you make your way there only to find it being ‘choped’… by tissue packs, lanyards, namecards, keys, water bottle, umbrella, newspaper… You thought it was a public and shared space!”

The Anti-Chope Movement again did not elaborate on why, if chope-ing is the social norm and debatably an icon of Singaporean culture already, did the person in the scenario not just chope a seat before going off to buy food and instead passive-aggressively bitch about chopers online behind the guise of a Facebook page.

One wonders how the people behind the Anti-Chope Movement can reach so far down to their desk keyboards to type their snark on Facebook considering that they have put themselves on a horse higher than the 40-storey HDB blocks in Toa Payoh.

Advertisements

Singapore Government Considers Banning Monotheistic Religions That Offend Others.

tem
Image credit: Pexels

SINGAPORE – 8 Mar 2019. Singapore government considers banning monotheistic religions that impose on other religious beliefs. Certain monotheistic religions contain beliefs that there is only one true religion. This goes against any of the other thousands of religions that exist that claim to be the true religion.

Allowing monotheistic religious ceremonies to be held in Singapore would be against “public order interest and affect our religious and social harmony” cautioned the Ministry of Home Affairs (MHA).

Over the last few days, there have been lots of concerns expressed, and if you look at certain monotheistic religions, they do have a history – very offensive towards those outside their own religions, and supportive of violence, including encouraging the undertaking of crusades and religious genocides.

 

 

YouTube Rewind 2018 was just an Experiment: YOUTUBE.

tem.jpg
YouTube release explanation behind worst YouTube Rewind ever. Source: YouTube

SINGAPORE, 11 December 2018: YouTube has finally broken the silence on YouTube Rewind 2018.

Launched on 6 December, YouTube Rewind 2018 has soared to the 2nd spot on the most-disliked videos of all time, and is on track to take over the top spot, currently held by Justin Bieber’s Baby music video.

YouTube admitted that he had concocted a whole rile-the-fans scheme as a “social experiment”. YouTube decided to irritate the fans of YouTube content creators, as he wanted to see “how far they [YouTube content creators’ fans] would go” for their idols.

While some content creators’ fans replied that they wouldn’t have done such a thing(7.9M dislikes), others were celebrating the fact that YouTube video was such harshly disliked.

When asked why YouTube would call it “Everyone Controls Rewind” without actually listening to much of its fan base, YouTube explained that he’s not here to teach us how to live our lives, but rather, wanted the experiment to serve as a “thinking point” and “conversation starter”.

UNAWARE: Upwards of 85% of SAF Positions Occupied by Men.

architecture-buildings-city-777059 (1).jpg
Singapore is a first-world nation and economy, so why does she still have a third-world mindset? (source)

SINGAPORE 26 NOVEMBER 2018: More than 85% of positions in the Singapore Armed Forces (SAF) are still occupied by men, a study conducted by Unbiased National Association of Women for Action and Research (UNAWARE) announced.

Citing a study of a quip from a random SAF enlistee PTE Wong Oak: “I everytime in camp only can see men. Where are the women? It’s (end) 2018 people, come on lah! Can you wake up your idea?”

W. Oak added: “The glass ceiling is, sadly, alive and well. According to the Singapore Board of Directors Survey 2015, 93% of respondents relied on “personal contacts” when looking for board candidates – in other words, relying on the “old boys’ network” which systematically excludes women.”

“Much more can be done to address and eradicate the perceptions, biases and structures that are still in place which limit women’s choices and opportunities.” W. Oak said.

TMT reached out to SAF for comments, and was promptly told “eh fuck you understand you nahbay chao jibye.” and “you think u funny mickey mouse fun fair is it? Go and sign 3.”

3 Tips to Remember for Safe Hiking

tem

With the recent hiking incident in Malaysia where 2 Singaporeans were stranded for days, here are 3 top tips to remember when hiking to avoid getting into unfortunate situations.

 

1. Don’t go hiking

Hiking may seem like a nice way to exercise while enjoying the outdoors, but is it worth the risk? Staying home will ensure you never step off the beaten path or make it hard for rescuers to find you. Keep this tip in mind the next time you decide to go for a walk in the jungle.

 

2. Bring a NSF/NSman officer along

Everybody knows that because someone went through an officer cadet course they are instantly above everyone else. With the incessant, unending whines from them, you’ll know every single detail about how tough it was when they took their jungle confidence course. As much as it is a pain being around them, you know that when you get lost you can rely on them to get you out of the jungle because they saw some bird die in Thailand and had to eat it.

 

3. Go to Jurong instead

Let’s face it; Jurong is basically Malaysia. With all of it’s foreign-ness and disconnection, Jurong might as well be Malaysia. With the insanity of putting 3 malls around 1 MRT station, there’s plenty to explore in the area.

 

Lose Your Dinner in Person, With foodpanda starvation!

fp starvation.jpg
You can now wait 2 hours for your food to not be delivered to you at foodpanda’s physical outlet, foodpanad starvation!

Foodies rejoice! With foodpanda starvation, you can now have the authentic experience of foodpanda’s habitual terrible service and no-show, but in the atmosphere of an upscale restaurant! Chic!

“It’s just like when I order from foodpanda at home, where the food comes 2 hours late and customer support is non-existent, but now at a restaurant!” quipped Sua Khoo, a frequent foodpanda customer. “When the food finally arrived 110 minutes after ordering, I was extra hungry which made the cold, misshapen meal seem extra delicious.”

foodpanda starvation comes in response to competitor Deliveroo’s Deliveroo Editions. foodpanda starvation will feature a restaurant dining experience but still retain the amazing lack of customer service and satisfaction that foodpanda is famous for, all in a central location.

“I tried raising the issue of my food being delayed for 90 minutes with the waiter, when he rolled his eyes at me and walked away” another excited diner squealed. “This feels JUST like ordering foodpanda at home, but in a fancy restaurant setting.” She added.