3 Tips to Remember for Safe Hiking


With the recent hiking incident in Malaysia where 2 Singaporeans were stranded for days, here are 3 top tips to remember when hiking to avoid getting into unfortunate situations.


1. Don’t go hiking

Hiking may seem like a nice way to exercise while enjoying the outdoors, but is it worth the risk? Staying home will ensure you never step off the beaten path or make it hard for rescuers to find you. Keep this tip in mind the next time you decide to go for a walk in the jungle.


2. Bring a NSF/NSman officer along

Everybody knows that because someone went through an officer cadet course they are instantly above everyone else. With the incessant, unending whines from them, you’ll know every single detail about how tough it was when they took their jungle confidence course. As much as it is a pain being around them, you know that when you get lost you can rely on them to get you out of the jungle because they saw some bird die in Thailand and had to eat it.


3. Go to Jurong instead

Let’s face it; Jurong is basically Malaysia. With all of it’s foreign-ness and disconnection, Jurong might as well be Malaysia. With the insanity of putting 3 malls around 1 MRT station, there’s plenty to explore in the area.



Lose Your Dinner in Person, With foodpanda starvation!

fp starvation.jpg
You can now wait 2 hours for your food to not be delivered to you at foodpanda’s physical outlet, foodpanad starvation!

Foodies rejoice! With foodpanda starvation, you can now have the authentic experience of foodpanda’s habitual terrible service and no-show, but in the atmosphere of an upscale restaurant! Chic!

“It’s just like when I order from foodpanda at home, where the food comes 2 hours late and customer support is non-existent, but now at a restaurant!” quipped Sua Khoo, a frequent foodpanda customer. “When the food finally arrived 110 minutes after ordering, I was extra hungry which made the cold, misshapen meal seem extra delicious.”

foodpanda starvation comes in response to competitor Deliveroo’s Deliveroo Editions. foodpanda starvation will feature a restaurant dining experience but still retain the amazing lack of customer service and satisfaction that foodpanda is famous for, all in a central location.

“I tried raising the issue of my food being delayed for 90 minutes with the waiter, when he rolled his eyes at me and walked away” another excited diner squealed. “This feels JUST like ordering foodpanda at home, but in a fancy restaurant setting.” She added.


Heroes of the Storm Earns HPB Healthier Choice Recommendation Over Dota 2 Due to Salt Content.

Heroes of the Storm dubbed healthier over Dota 2 due to salt levels.

The Singapore Health Promotion Board (HPB) has earned the Healthier Choice label over fellow Multiplayer online battle arena (MOBA) title Dota 2.

“The salt content in Dota 2 is at extremely unhealthy levels and should be taken in moderation.” Said Mr. Kiam, spokesman of HPB. “When consumed in excessive quantities, Dota 2 players may face health complications such as kidney failure due to extreme salt intake. Severe cases may even develop into cancer” added Mr. Kiam.

“Heroes of the Storm is a much healthier alternative, and provides similar levels of entertainment, albeit less intense.” Mr. Kiam said at a press event.

Closing off with some advice, Mr. Kiam said that in addition to considering alternatives, players can consider “git gud” to avoid negative health implications.


Circles.Life Forsees Rebranding to ‘Foreign’ Brand Squares.Souls in Q3 2018.


Circles.Life has announced that it forsees a “foreign” brand buy-in by mysterious Squares.Soul in Q3 of 2018.

“We are very excited.” quipped Ms. Ai Mai, Circles.Life representative. “Circles.Life is extremely hip and up-to-date. We forsee an unannounced dip in profits in 2018 and a sudden re-brand that will really shape up the brand.”

Following in the recent footsteps of Gong Cha and Llao Llao in Singapore, Circles.Life foresees a change in branding toward a “third-party” takeover.

“We can foresee that mobile services will remain the same. We will no longer be a pointless company.” reported Ms. Mai. “The foreseen rebrand will be edgier and well-balanced.”

Ms. Mai ended the media event saying that other telcos should be ready to “square up.”


SMRT declares Man’s Not Hot as company anthem.

SMRT seeking to acquire Big Shaq’s hit single, Man’s Not Hot as company anthem.

“It really resonates with what SMRT is providing Singapore with, every day.” Said SMRT spokesperson, Sum Ting Wong. “SMRT is not just about what we hope to achieve, but also what we are currently bringing to the table for Singaporeans.”

Wong has stated that the lyrics, “The ting goes skrrraa” in particular, speaks volumes about the recent Joo Koon train collision. Adding to the statement, Wong said about the line “When the ting went quack-quack-quack, You man were ducking.” describes perfectly the moment when the trains collided, causing unfortunate commuters to’duck.’

“You man thought I froze” was another excerpt particularly familiar with the SMRT ideals.

“It’s almost as if it was written to mirror SMRT situations,” Wong said about the line. “Many times, we just have trains waiting at stations due to a plethora of reasons.”

Wong, currently in SMRT, was reported to be in a horrific plane crash, but miraculously survived.



Big Shaq Visits Singapore, Declares “Man is hot.”


Movin' that cornflakes; Rice Krispies
World-famous rapper Big Shaq in front of Marina Bay, Singapore

“Man is hot,” reported Big Shaq, recent worldwide-sensation rapper. “Man thought Man can never be hot, but here… here, Man is very hot.” Big Shaq continued to say, in the blistering 34°C weather.

Sweat was rolling down the sides of Big Shaq as he tried to flag a cab on the roadside of the MRT station, after the train failed to depart the station due to a track fault or some other reason, not that it matters.

Big Shaq most recently shot to fame after an overnight sensation following this video.

Upon entering the cab, Big Shaq was asked by the cab driver if he would like the air-conditioning on. “Ya dun know,” said Big Shaq.