GOJEK launches GOJEK OFF in response to recent GrabThefts

GOJEK OFF service launched in response to recent GrabThefts. Image: AsiaOne

SINGAPORE 3 JULY 2019: Not to be outdone by recent GrabThefts (GrabShoes and GrabTowel), Grab rival GOJEK has launched a new service called GOJEK OFF.

GOJEK OFF matches you to the nearest partner-contractor available for an instant JEKOFF-customer match-up. “Our JEKOFFs will be as quick as possible. Depending on the JEKOFF being matched, sometimes even 30 seconds come already,” says GOJEK representative Park Choo Cheng.

“Once paired, the nearest JEKOFF will come to wherever you are and take one of your belongings, and relieve it from your possession,” says Cheng.

Cheng adds that there is already a sizable fleet of JEKOFFs in Singapore.

“Sometimes these JEKOFFs just take something that don’t belong to them, very proactive one. We cannot control these JEKOFFs [as they are independent contractors], so some of these JEKOFFs are also working for Grab. While I cannot disclose the exact numbers, I can tell you the recent theft cases you might be thinking of are definitely done by JEKOFFs.”

 

SMRT declares Man’s Not Hot as company anthem.

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SMRT seeking to acquire Big Shaq’s hit single, Man’s Not Hot as company anthem.

“It really resonates with what SMRT is providing Singapore with, every day.” Said SMRT spokesperson, Sum Ting Wong. “SMRT is not just about what we hope to achieve, but also what we are currently bringing to the table for Singaporeans.”

Wong has stated that the lyrics, “The ting goes skrrraa” in particular, speaks volumes about the recent Joo Koon train collision. Adding to the statement, Wong said about the line “When the ting went quack-quack-quack, You man were ducking.” describes perfectly the moment when the trains collided, causing unfortunate commuters to’duck.’

“You man thought I froze” was another excerpt particularly familiar with the SMRT ideals.

“It’s almost as if it was written to mirror SMRT situations,” Wong said about the line. “Many times, we just have trains waiting at stations due to a plethora of reasons.”

Wong, currently in SMRT, was reported to be in a horrific plane crash, but miraculously survived.